Why I May Not Be As Crunchy As You Think

As a society we are quick to put a label on any person, action or belief. In the few short months that I've been a momma I've learned that this is especially true within the parenting community. So many people, myself included, label themselves as certain types of parents, or follow a certain named parenting style.

When Sophia was first born, I followed my instincts. This included not ever letting her cry, always addressing her needs, sleeping with her, nursing her (as frequently as she wanted!), holding/wearing her most of the time, and cloth diapering. It just made sense to me to do these things. I had never read a parenting book, taken a class, or really spent much time talking with anyone about parenting. I just did what felt right. Not long afterwards, I began to learn what the term "attachment parenting" meant, and quickly grouped myself with people that also labeled themselves as "attachment parents".

Today I was talking with another semi-new momma about sleep. She cosleeps, and mentioned her son seemed restless throughout the night. He was sleeping okay in terms of duration, but it didn't seem like he was getting quality sleep. I told her, without even thinking, that Sophia was very similar until she started sleeping in her crib. She gave me a funny look, pondered what I had just said for a minute, and went on talking about something else so as not to offend me with what she really thought. She was as polite as she could be, and kept her negative thoughts to herself, but it stayed on my mind throughout the day. Was I wrong for having Sophia sleep in a crib? Every baby prefers to sleep with their momma, right? Maybe I didn't give it a fair chance. But as quickly as these thoughts came into my head, they went right back out.

For a few weeks after Sophia was born, she always slept with me. She seemed to love it. But as the newborn sleep-all-the-time stage faded, so did her tolerance for any kind of sleep disruption. She would wake up periodically when she slept with me, and cry for a minute, never really waking up, and go right back to sleep. She did that fairly frequently, and it took me longer than it should have to put two and two together. Sophia liked to be with her momma, but she wasn't getting the kind of quality sleep she needed. I decided to follow her lead and evolve. I began laying her in her crib. Even if it was 4 AM and I was dead tired, I made sure I stayed awake long enough to get her back to her crib after she fell asleep. Lo and behold, she began sleeping longer stretches, and much more soundly. She always woke up happy, and that was the easiest way to judge her quality of sleep. I still miss my little baby that just wanted to sleep with momma, but that little baby showed me that she needed her own space. She sleeps 12 fours straight through the night now, and has since she was less than 8 weeks old. I credit most of that to having her sleeping in her crib, in her own room. She told me she needed space and a very quiet room, and I listened to her.

So does having Sophia sleep in her own crib in her own room make me less of a "crunchy" mom? Because I no longer co-sleep does that mean I can no longer classify myself as someone who practices "attachment parenting"? Maybe, I guarantee if you would have asked the momma I spoke to today, I would have lost some crunchy momma points with her. But what do I think? I think the most important thing we can do is listen to our babies and our children. They have the answers. They know what they need, and they really do try their hardest to communicate it to us. Putting aside everything else, everything we want to be, and listening to what they need from us is the key. I miss sleeping with Sophia. Steve and I have talked about how she would be allowed to sleep in our bed for as long as she wants. But, she doesn't want that. Rather than holding onto a title and being desperate to be seen as a certain type of parent in the eyes of other parents, just do what you feel is right. I believe listening to your baby is true attachment parenting. I understood and respected her needs, and every single human being on this planet deserves that. Follow your heart and be open to everything your babes guide you through, and it'll all turn out way better than any of us could have ever expected.

This whole parenting thing can be hard, but there's no reason it should be. And it won't be, if you just listen.